(Warning: In a feable attempt to remain clever far after his single ounce of creative juice was wasted on a 5 Tsing Tao beer induced post to his blog yesterday, the author has decided to stoop to the lowest common creative denominator and use stomach-churning imagery to maintain the interest of his dwindling readership (a big shout out to you two!). Please set down your corn dogs and Yoplait cups before reading further…)
Before my trip to China, I was concerned about only two things:
- The quality and safety of Chinese domestic airlines (totally unwarranted by the way. The planes, facilities and security are as good if not better than in the states.)
- The food and corresponding sanitation issues.
So in preparation, I said a few pre-trip safe travel prayers and packed enough medicine to inoculate me against SARS, Bird Flu and whatever new gastrointestinal pestilence the Chinese food industry could invent.
However, most of this paranoia was pointless once I realized that a central tenet of the Well-oiled Communist Tourism Machine is to provide uncreative, westernized Chinese food at every opportunity.
The food so far has followed this unfailing pattern:
- We sit down at a large 10 person table with monstrous lazy susan which covers about ¾ of the total table space.
- We individual pick at the various pickled Chinese appetizers, usually pieces of pickled bamboo with spices or chunks of plain cucumber or freshly wok’d peanuts with a sprig of cilantro.
- The waitresses walk around with large bottles of sprite, coca cola or the local beer and fill your glass with your preferred beverage.
- Individual dishes are carried out and placed on the lazy susan in succession, usually in 5 minute increments and total about 6-10 different varieties. The food sometimes includes regional dishes but usually focus on simple, non-exotic items like stir fried vegetable, chicken or fish entrees.
- The rice is brought out AFTER all of the above. Usually by the time everyone is starting to finish. I haven’t figure out if this is poor service or cultural.
- The soup is brought out following the rice. To cleanse the palate?
- And finally: WATERMELON! The Chinese LOVE watermelon. It’s ubiquitous, and included at the end of every meal.
Sure, the routine is fun, social and safe but after about 10 times, it gets a tad old. Needless to say, we were looking for a change.
So we decided to skip the group Beijing Duck and Opera evening and step out into the city naked to whatever China had to offer.
I’ve always considered myself an adventurous eater. By adventurous, I’m speaking mainly of the foreign onion and spice laden foods predominately found in the Vietnamese, Indian and Persian neighborhoods found in larger cities.
But like most people I have my limits. I’m not talking about the mystery meat dumplings found at shady dim sum restaurants or the aromatic Vietnamese Pho that uses MOST parts of the cow and stays with you for a good 12 hours. No, I’m talking about TV-grade food nastiness: the slimy, crunchy stuff found on shows like Cook’s tour, Travel Sick, Survivor and Fear Factor that elicits groans and dry heaving from its viewers.
Hoping to avoid such things, but still enjoy some local fare, we took a cab to a part of town called Wanfujin Street. It’s a large, high end shopping district with shiny name brand clothing, book and department stores.
Wanfujin street was a-bustlin' this evening with hordes of well-off locals and a few tourists. Hungry, we passed the McDonalds,KFC and Outback steak house branches making a wide berth around the hordes of bleary eyed westerners who haven’t yet acclimated to Asian eating and made our way to the Night Market.
The Night Market as described by my travel book is a small offshoot of Wanfujin street lined with vendors selling “small eats” - sort of a Beijing influenced type of dim sum.
Although arranged in an orderly line, the crowds, noise and odors pumping from the small, orange tarp roofed vendors created a bazaar-like atmosphere.
We walked over to the first booth and peered over at the selection. Their arrangement, as were most of the booths we encountered, was dominated by stacked rows of various skewered meats. Chicken, beef and pork were pretty easy to spot, but there were an equal assortment of animal food products which can best be described as “innards.”
Next booth… same thing…. Mostly. Here there were some new entries including squid, some eggs (that weren’t chicken size) and…. OH! Snake on a stick! Yikes.
We passed a few more booths similar to these two, and then stumbled upon the Night Market house of horrors.
Here we found the food distributor for Fear Factor. Rows upon rows of silkworms, crickets, centipedes, more snake (multiple varieties), something that looked like blood sausage and what appeared to be embryonic birds – all skewered and neatly arranged ready to make many happy bellies.
Pass!
We made it to the end, turned and started back along the path of gastronomic delights when I remembered: It was dinner time!
I started out with something tame, a skewer of beef that was deep fried, salted and then roasted for a few minutes over an open flame.
Then I moved on to something that looked a whole lot scarier but still acceptable to most American tastes: squid on a stick. While the thing looked like something out of the movie Aliens, it tasted no different than the calamari found at most Italian restaurants, sans the breading and tomato sauce. Nevertheless, it’s red pepper flaked tentacles flailing in the early evening breeze did slightly gross me out.
We finally reached our starting point again… but not before devouring some freshly prepared vegetable dumplings reminiscent of good Hong Kong style dim sum.
But wait! I’m missing something here. I just came halfway across the world to experience something new and cultural, and the best I can do is beef satay and calamari, both of which can be had at Disney-freakin-land??
“Not good enough” I said to myself. I need something different…something I can’t get at the Olive Garden or PF Changs. I need something crunchy…something with legs still attached…something with a stinger…something like… SCORPIONS!
I dizzily walked back toward the table with the bugs … not sure what had come over me. “I can’t even eat my eggs runny!” I thought to myself. “How was I supposed to consume a scorpion?”
No matter, I was on a mission…and needed the pictures to prove it. So with 15 Yuan in hand (about 2 bucks), I purchased my 3 scorpion skewer from the Frankenshop of food horrors.
Without hesitating I handed the camera to my mom, bought a can of YangYing beer and took a bite.
Crunch.
(10 second lapse)
Crunch
(another 5 seconds)
Crunch crunch crunch!
Hey not bad! It tastes like buttered popcorn!
Gulp. (beer now half gone)
Another bite and the critter ceased to exist.. 1 scorpion down the hatch and no heaving on the street! Success!
The other two were promptly trashed. I didn’t want to push my luck and spray my accomplishment on the street for all to see.
At this point, the green look on my mom’s face signaled the end of our cultural experience so we grabbed some more non-threatening dumplings and hopped in a cab to check out the lighted kite flying on Tiananmen Square, a popular Beijing family tradition.
New Pictures from the
NIGHT MARKET ...
LAMA TEMPLE (tibetan buddhism) ...
MISC. PICTURES FROM BEIJING Previously added pics:
...HUTONG
...MING TOMBS
...GREAT WALL
...TEMPLE OF HEAVEN
...TIANANMEN SQUARE/FORBIDDEN CITY
...SUMMER PALACE
...PLANE AND ARRIVAL TO BEIJING
