The Chinese know how to party. Faggedabout any myth you’ve heard about Chinese gene incompatibility with alcohol.
They’ve also figured out the whole nightlife scene as well. Each city we visited had a hot, happening and crowded bar and club district with high-end clubs comparable to the elite night spots in LA, New York and Vegas.
We happened upon one of these joints quite by accident after a kick-ass post dinner hour long reflexology foot massage (costing a whopping 12 bucks!).
We skipped out on the tour bus back to the hotel, bidding farewell to our happy footed friends and ventured out to see what Saturday night Guilin had to offer.
Although the hotel concierge suggested there might be a few bar areas downtown, we didn’t have any expectations, especially considering this was supposedly such a tiny little podunk Chinese town of only 600,000. But as we rounded the corner onto the major city blvd…
HOLY KUNG PAO EATING INSOMNIAC BATMAN! LOOK AT ALL THE PEOPLE!
We made our way to the bar district, walking past thousands of late nighting Guilinites who were checking out the 50 or so street fair booths hocking all varieties of handicrafts, food and the latest greatest cure-all Chinese potions.
The bar district was real cool with at least 10-15 night clubs and bars, each with Neon-lit signs and booming dance music pouring out from open doors and windows. For a moment, I thought I was back home on Sixth Street during a particularly raucous weekend party night.
We walked into one of the noisier clubs; a place that came recommended by our Guilin tour guide and took a seat at one of the tables. The place was packed and had all the familiar night club elements from home including a DJ, ear to his headphone, intently mixing the next track on dual turntables; light and laser displays including a huge LED light installation behind the DJ booth with an eye-popping, choreagraphed light display; wide screen, flat panel TVs with the latest European music videos playing and…. THE BUD GIRLS???
What the…?
"How strange is THIS??" I thought to myself.
I’m in a little city in Central China at a nightclub that could easily be the hottest spot on South Beach listening to really good house music and drinking a bottle of Budweiser I just purchased from the Chinese Bud Girls.
This was so surreal.
And then as fate would have it… it got even better. A girl from the audience stood up on a raised platform directly in front of the DJ booth, the DJ slapped a new disc on the turntable…a faintly familiar melody remixed to include a deep bass line… And she starts singing: HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME BY BRITTANY SPEARS!...IN ENGLISH NO LESS!
This was too good to be true. And oh did she work that song. This girl belted out the Brittany like she was on the finale of Chinese-American Idol…
And then a hidden rumbling from deep within…. I was overcome by an urgent need to dance. It must have been the Brittany….or the 3 Smooth, Crisp, Beachwood Aged Budweisers I just downed. Either way, I couldn’t deny the slow rhythmic lurchings of my waist.
Crap. Not now! Must…. Stop…..Hips….And….White….Man’s….Overbite…
Damn You Snake Wine!
Then I remembered …we were the only white people at the club. Well, actually, I was the only white person as my cohorts were Canadians of Asian descent. And boy did my blonde buzz-cut head glow. I looked like Super Honky covered with extra mayo and finished with two fresh slices of Wonder Bread.
If I started dancing, I would surely become the newest comedy sensation in all of Asia.
Thankfully, the angel on my shoulder prevailed and I planted my ass squarely on the chair… but not without a slight head bob from time to time.
After a few more Budweisers, I decided to let my photography subjects party in peace, so I left the club and looked for a ride back to the hotel.
Against the strong recommendations by our tour guide NOT to use the very dangerous local motorcycle taxi cab transportation system (remember… the Chinese drive like shite!), I strapped on a plastic contruction worker “helmet” with no padding and held on for dear life for a 10 minute ride back to the hotel.
New Pictures: GUILIN NIGHT CLUB and GUILIN MISCELLANOUS
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