The rumor is true. I’m supposed to be on a diet. Not a pansy cabbage-soup-eating diet, but a diet nonetheless. And really… its not like I really NEED to be on a diet. If you want my honest opinion, dieting really is just an extension of pride.
And pride is evil.
So if A=B and B=C, then A must equal C…
Finally! Proof that dieting is evil!
To truly be a follower of God, one must turn from evil…so one way for ME to turn from evil would be to break my diet.
Which brings me to my short business trip to Philadelphia.
Because I did a pretty decent job so far today of following my diet, as you might expect, I was feeling especially evil.
I needed to be rescued… and quick. So it was certainly not lost on me that I just happened to be in the City Of Brotherly Love on this most evil of days.
And how, might you ask, would Philadelphia be able to deliver me of my burden?
Well, cheesesteaks of course.
You see, I reason that if I eat enough cheesesteak sandwiches while I’m here, then the act of breaking my (evil) diet will most surely cleanse me of my sins… well at least the sins brought on by my stupid diet.
So with only 36 hours to work with, I had to move quickly.
(For those of you wondering how I could possibly spend my short trip here seeking out fat-laden sandwiches instead of visiting the liberty bell and Independence Hall… well… I really have no good excuse other than I expect that it’s only a matter of time before there’ll be a casino re-creation of Philadelphia in Vegas which will probably be way more kick-ass AND have great rooms and 4 star service. “Libertyland” would be a good name… maybe with a giant 20 story neon liberty bell that shoots fireworks and plays the national anthem every 15 minutes right off the strip. They could tear down the Aladdin hotel (citing a national security risk) which would offer a great center-strip location right across from the New York New York Statue of liberty and adjacent to the Paris Hotel! Ha! Take that you socialist frogs!)
Cheesesteak #1 – Leo’s
I started here because a) it was only 3.2 miles from my hotel and b) they’ve won the “best cheesesteak” award for Delaware county the last 5 years in a row. I ordered a small but only ate half due to its lack of flavor and overall dry quality. I ordered it with Provolone, which might have been the problem… Overall, a poor start.
Cheesesteak #2 – Jim’s
My online research directed me to Jim’s as one of the top cheesesteak havens in town. Here you’re supposed to order the cheesesteak as the locals do by calling out: “Heavy on the whiz!” Yes. They use (and adore) cheese whiz here... sort of like the Hawaiians and their fascination with spam. It makes no sense… but when in Rome… Actually the whiz was great and the sandwich was quite good. Lots of grease though… but I guess that’s the mark of a truly well prepared sandwich.
Cheesesteak #3 – Ishkabibbles
Normally, I would have walked right by a place like Ishkabibbles, completely oblivious to the gastronomic delights inside but I had the dumb luck of meeting a native Pennsylvanian at a friend’s superbowl party the night before who highly recommended it. To top off my cheesesteak trilogy, I ordered a new variation: steak, white American, onions and peppers (yes I took my Zantac earlier this afternoon). And the verdict? Perfection! Each bite seemed to wash my conscience anew. I felt like a new man, delivered from the yoke of my culinary digressions.
I can now attest to the restorative powers of the most holy of dishes; the Philadelphia cheesesteak (well 3 cheeseteaks in 2 hours to be exact). Yes, I feel like a new man. Albeit a man with a newly clogged left ventricle (is it possible to actually FEEL cholesterol depositing itself to your arteries?).
Now…If only I knew what the Bible says about gluttony…
