Yoga Baby

My unborn child is doing yoga poses in the womb. But should I be surprised? Melissa has already burned through at least 5 prenatal yoga DVDs. Thank God for Netflix.

(umm, oh and by the way, for those of you who have not been previously clued in to the news, there will soon be a mini-(half)me running around)

Melissa is 19 weeks pregnant and while we theoretically should be able to determine the sex, for whatever reason, our OB/GYN does not schedule the “anatomical” ultrasound until the 21st week.

This, of course, is unacceptable to us.

My self-diagnosed, adult-onset ADHD coupled with Melissa’s genetic inability to wait for a surprise (she secretly read my travel diary while I was asleep on a train enroute to the Cinque Terra region of Italy for the sole purpose of discovering whether or not I was going to propose to her. For the record, I was, and yes, she found out) made us incapable of waiting until the scheduled visit.

Furthermore, we were going to Santa Barbara for a family wedding which gave us all the rationalization we needed to spend the extra $$ for a redundant sex determination ultra. Certainly there wouldn’t be better uses for the money once the baby was born…?

We made an appointment at one of the ubiquitous “4D ultrasound” specialty shops that seem to be popping up everywhere. I’m not sure I understand the technology completely, but according to their marketing literature, the “4D ultrasound” is 2 times better than the regular 2D fan shaped ultras that you normally see! (or so you’d think)

The machine apparently generates a three dimensional shape from a regular ultrasound image to create a creepy computerized approximation of what the baby might actually look like. I’m not sure what the 4th “D” refers to, but I imagine it’s an estimation of the # of sleepless nights per week you’ll have stressing out about the radical shift your life will take now that you’ve been forced to deal with the very real impending reality of fatherhood.

Unfortunately for us (or maybe a blessing??) the Sonographer was unwilling to show us the ultrasound in all its 4D glory due to the baby being only 19 weeks developed.

According to her, 4D ultras before 21 weeks can sometimes be disturbing due to the tendency for the baby to appear more like an emaciated, heroin junkie alien versus anything remotely humanoid.

3 more weeks doesn’t sound unreasonable now that I think of it.

It didn’t really matter anyway, because our main purpose for going was to find out the gender. The standard 2D view should work just fine.

…but that wasn’t going to work out in our favor either.

Sonographer: “Well I have some bad news.”
Abdines: “Oh no, we knew it… the baby has Alan’s ears.”
Sonographer: “Not quite…although the ears do look somewhat monkey-like. Rather, the problem we have is the baby has its legs crossed and is sitting on its rump. Unless it moves, it’s going to be difficult if not impossible to determine the sex today.”

Sure enough, baby Abdine was sitting in a relaxed, meditative Lotus position; perfectly positioned to completely cover any protruding vestiges…or lack thereof. And of course, every body part was moving; head, back, arms, fingers, mouth… every body part EXCEPT for the legs.

No luck today. The baby must still be referred to in gender neutral terms.

But wait! What’s that?? Baby Abdine just thrust (his?) hand down in between (his?) legs! Is (he?) scratching (his?) crotch??

My money is now on the table. 5-2 odds it’s a boy.