It’s not hard to describe all the funny/happy/surprising events one enjoys as a father. One simply needs to act the journalist, happily reporting on the day's events:
My kid is so advanced…
My kid is so cute…
My kid is so funny…
My kid is (add adjective here)
The complications arise when describing those “other” interesting parental experiences. The ones that every parent suffers through but are, for the most part, kept safely hidden from public consumption lest we scare off other would-be breeders from the joys of parenthood.
Fore example, how does one describe a catastrophic baby poo incident without devolving into snickering juvenile potty humor?
My solution came unexpectedly one day while Melissa rummaged through her old high school letters and school work. Out came an inspired and hilarious limerick she wrote in her 12th grade creative writing class about - get this - Richard Nixon! Incidentally it had nothing to do with Nixon as a President, his public persona… or really anything remotely distinguishing any part of life. It WAS however a brilliant snapshot of Melissa's 18 year old brain and a reminder that you can flower up any type of subject matter for poetic purposes.
But what form should my pooriffic poem take?
Haiku? Free form? Sonnet?!
Of course! A Shakespearean Sonnet! I'll just call upon my old friend iambic pentameter to bail me out (once again):
Bursting t'words heavens blue; bisque streams exhumed
So spew-ith ye bum in lupine relief.
Calamitous fallout! White chair consumed
Bewildered clutch I bleach pen and kerchief.
But after the first quatrain I began to question my sanity.
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